Asking for help: how your own rules are holding you back
My Masterclass on the Impostor Syndrome often brings to the forefront an experience that can be uncomfortable for many of us: asking for help and/or accepting help. In order to learn to ask for help, we sometimes have to go against some of our deeply held beliefs about what determines our worthiness. In this article I share with you a snippet from the Masterclass on asking for help.
What is holding you back from asking for help?
In order to find out how to ask for help, it is important to first explore the array of fears that can act as barriers for us to seeking help. Examples could be fear of failure, not seeming perfect or being perceived as weak. In the end often what we fear comes down to somehow being less than enough.
What fear is holding you back from asking for help?
Identifying your rules for asking for help
The fears that are holidng us back from asking for help are often ‘unconsciously’ present. These fears manifest themselves more explicitly in the form of rigid rules we hold for ourselves. In my masterclass on coping with Impostor Syndrome, I talk about our ‘Rulebook’ which is filled with rules and standards that we hold for ourselves about what it means to be competent and ‘worthy’.
What rules do you have around being competent and worthy?
Rewriting your rulebook for asking for help
The rules and standards we live by underlay our inner dialogue. It is this inner dialogue that drives our actions and decision making. If we want to learn to ask for help, we have to interrupt this inner dialogue with more helpful rules.
When it comes to Impostor syndrome, the rulebook on ‘asking for help’ is often set by the Soloist. For the Soloist competence equals solo, unaided achievement.
Rewriting your rule book includes becoming aware of the inner voices that prevent us from asking for help, formulating new rules and designing experiments to make sure these new rules get imprinted in our rulebook.
Hi, I’m Lian Angelino, certified Career & Leadership coach who is passionate about helping women move through their career and daily life with more ease and meaning.
As a Career & Leadership coach, I combine my background in Work Psychology, (Mental)Health Sciences and Leadership development to help you get clear about what makes you tick and gain clarity around difficult career choices.
In this online space, I share work centered around embracing our full humanity in everything we do and the choices that we make in our daily lives.
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